Your journey to inner fulfillment

Why We Get Angry, And What To Do About It



The reason we get angry is very simple. Either things happen that we don't want, or things don't happen that we do want. This seems pretty straightforward and obvious.


But why do we want so much?


We want because we have a model of how the world should be. We create an endless stream of conditions of how everything needs to unfold in order for us to be okay.


Why do we create this model?


We create the model because of past experiences we had that we didn't like. They didn't feel good, so we did what we thought was best - pushed them away with our willpower - when that was actually the worst thing we could do.


Instead of passing through us, the moment got stuck inside us. All the emotion, thoughts, and vibrational energies we felt during that one moment are now stuck inside us, wanting to come out. But every time they try to come out, we don't let it. We push it back down because it's uncomfortable when it comes up.


What happens with this stored energy?


With all this stored energy, our minds are now on autopilot, trying to figure out how everything needs to happen in order to avoid situations that will trigger it. Anything that will stimulate the energy is something we avoid at all costs.


In other words, we're constantly wanting for things to unfold a particular way that won't upset us. It's that simple.


Because we resisted certain moments, our minds automatically decided to figure out a blueprint for how reality needs to unfold in front of our eyes in order to not get disturbed.

Of course, for the universe to meet every single one of every single person's needs on the planet is wildly impossible.


And that's where anger comes in. Anger is our reaction to reality not unfolding according to our preferences. Rooted in anger is typically fear or desire. And rooted in fear and desire are those moments we stored within by resisting.


So what's the lesson here? What can we do to experience less anger?


First, realize that anger will continue to come up, and that's okay. When you boil a tea kettle and it's starts whistling, you can't expect the water to cool down right away. It's already hot, so don't resist that. Accept that there's anger, and it's coming up because the reality of the outside moment didn't match the reality of your inside preferences. Now you know why it's coming up.


Second, start to notice where and when you get triggered. Each time, try to figure out what condition you had set, and what happened outside that didn't meet that condition. Get in the habit of analyzing your anger, if not during, then after it passes.


For example, if you're driving and you get angry when someone cuts you off, don't just acknowledge that you got angry because someone cut you off. Figure out what your condition was - perhaps it was that people need to drive a certain way - and then pinpoint the scenario that went against that condition.


Finally, during the times when you're not angry - that is, when you're feeling okay - pay attention to when you're resisting certain moments. Remember that every time something happens that you don't like, if you can't accept that it happened, you're just creating more conditions for your mind. You're fulfilling the cycle of resistance > stored energy > blueprint of how the world should be > reality going against that > anger.


The best way to address the anger loop is to stop creating conditions. And the best way to do that is to learn to be okay with reality.


Live with substance!

Gabe Orlowitz

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2020 • Substance Over Style • gabe@substanceoverstyleblog.com